Ah, Time to Rant a Little

I admire single parents. I do. I know it's cliche to say they're "so brave," but I cooked dinner tonight for the whole family while my wife worked late, and let me tell you, people are either already crazy, going crazy, or some of the strongest willed people on God's green earth.

Seriously, respect.

Here's a breakdown*.

5:30 pm: I get home with Evie and decide to make dinner.

5:32 pm: I text my wife and tell her, "Hey, don't stress about food tonight, I'm going to cook since you're working late." Wife is happy.

5:45 pm: I make the final decision on what I'm going to make; Chicken breast sandwiches with a side of shells and cheese.  Sure, simple enough, but wait.

6 pm: I have beat the crap out of the chicken breasts to tenderize them. I'm a man, I have a blunt object and I just hammered some dead birds' chest meat for five minutes straight.  Punk had it coming to him.

6:15 pm: Chicken is cooking, water is boiling.

6:30 pm: Wife gets home, looks at chicken breasts that have are done. Tells me they aren't done. I cook them again.

6:35 pm: Shells & Cheese are done and thickening up nice. Chicken is done again (almost). Buns are being toasted.

6:45 pm: We sit down to eat.

7:15 pm: Dog poops in floor. I clean it up. Wife is changing a poopy diaper.

7:30 pm: I put the dishes in the sink and declare I'm going to write my blog.

7:55 pm: Still writing blog. Evie just mysteriously said "Ow" after what sounds like she was running around the living room. Wife is probably nursing the baby.

If I were one person doing all this, I think I'd go crazy. That's just one meal. So yeah, props to moms and dads who do this act solo and never once think of selling off their kids to pay their student loans off or something like that.  Not that I've though that, I'm just saying... I've heard parents think that sometimes.


*Time are not accurate, I'm estimating. Sort of.

Kid #2

I bet you saw the title of this and thought, "Oh, he's going to talk about the baby!"

WRONG.

Kid poop is nasty.  I mean, I'm a grown man, so I've done my fair share, but kid poop is so gross.

How does a child, that only eats breast milk, crap what appears to be small sunflower seeds?

That's just nasty.

How does a five year old, whose head only reaches the top of the counter, drop a turd the length of my arm?

I'm only slightly exaggerating...

My oldest daughter farts like a 60 year old man and laughs about it each time.  I mean, don't get me wrong, farts are funny. They're basically nature's oldest one-liner, but each time? This five year old can break wind 5 times in 6 seconds and laugh hysterically after each one, say "excuse me" and let 3 more go.

But poop. That's gross. Kid poop.  And if they get sick, they get it everywhere.

If I had a dollar for every time my wife said, "Shed blew out her diaper and got it all over her clothes again" I'd have around 20 dollars. The kid is about 2 months old.  Almost 50 percent of her life, she's crapped herself to the point she's had to change clothes. That's an amazing feat in and of itself.

Being a parent is full of challenges, as I've noted numerous times on this blog, but poop... that's not a challenge. That's a battle sometimes.

So if you need me, I'll be hiding behind the mountain of wet wipes, huddled into a corner, crying a little and promising myself things get better.

They do get better, right?