I just want to start out by saying that you may be offended by the end of this entry.
I do not apologize.
You were warned.
We took Evie to the doctor's office yesterday where they gave her the first set of immunizations since leaving the hospital the week after her birth.
And this is how it went down... really.
Our doctor, who is an incredibly intelligent woman, played to our ignorance and said, "Oh when babies get their shots, most don't even act like they feel it. They just go, 'wah,' and it's over before they know it."
Evelyn is not most babies.
My daughter got that first little prick of a needle in her thigh and ... BOOM.
A scream went up the likes the horror movie industry has never began to understand, comprehend, and absolutely would not dare to replicate.
The second shot.
SONIC BOOM!
My daughter bellowed so loudly an avalanche occurred in the Alps, destroying a small village.
They're still searching for survivors.
Two more shots followed, and Pluto was cracked into two separate parts. NASA is already calling them Asteroid Bean and Planet 422228B.
Luckily, the very first immunization was given orally.
She did not stop crying and screaming until we got home and she literally passed out from exhaustion - or pain, the jury is still out.
Now, I can't remember my first shots, but I like to think I didn't split planets with my siren-like screams. Obviously, I was not there when my wife received her first shots, either. So, we don't know where she got that from.
Or... maybe those shots just hurt?
Still, she was sore the rest of the day but today she's acted just as normal as can be.
Now, there has been some debate as to whether we are doing the right thing by immunizing our child.
To that I say, my daughter is not going to die of Scarlet Fever. If she gets autism, it won't change how much we love her. I'd rather she live with a manageable thing like that and see her grandchildren, rather than die of polio before the age of fourteen. So if you are of the camp believing that immunizing your children is wrong, so what?
She's my kid. Raise your own.
And to quote Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."
