A while back I posted some stuff about how my daughter is in love with puppets. Specifically, I mentioned muppets, but I have got to be honest here and say that I think the kid would go nuts if I drew eyes and a nose on a sock and talked to her in a high pitched voice while moving my fingers. No, I don't think. I know this is the case because she laughed hysterically when I used a sock without a nose or eyes and spoke in a high pitched voice to her a couple of weeks ago.
My hand smelled funny after and I realized that my mistake was when I failed to use a clean sock. Off topic, but for future reference - clean socks are the way to go when making puppets.
Most people don't need to be told this.
Jennifer, my lovely wife, has been desperately wanting to get out of the house and go see a movie recently. When we dated in college, it seemed every weekend we were out watching a movie. Since becoming an "old married couple" we've really fell out of that habit. Nowadays, our "date nights" are starting to involve more family time or a nice dinner out while some friends keep Evelyn entertained for a few hours. Or when a holiday comes up that the Daycare doesn't celebrate, so we drop her off there and hide out at Olive Garden.
Anyway, my wife has been wanting to see a movie and finally figured out a way to bamboozle me into going to see one. She played the kid card.
Its not that I hate going to the theater, by the way, its just that after you buy snacks and spends twenty dollars on tickets for two people, you could just wait a couple of months and buy the Blue-Ray for the same price and watch it at your own convenience in your underwear.
I mean on your couch. Fully clothed.
With a sweater and winter coat on.
She played the kid card! So, having convinced me that our daughter who is not even two would surely sit still while muppets pranced around the screen, I gave in and we went. To be honest, there wasn't much pleading or convincing that needed to be done - I freely confess I love the muppets, too. Especially Fozzy, Gonzo, Animal, Kermit, and so on and so on. The Chef, those two old geezers who make fun of the show... I'll stop.
So we took our daughter to watch a movie.
For the first thirty minutes, and after giving her about fifteen Twizzlers, Evelyn was sitting peacefully while enjoying the movie.
Then, all you know what broke loose.
She began to fidget. Then cry. Then get into the floor and want to sit on that sticky surface and play with whatever substance had fallen down there previously. Then talk loudly to me about her day.
Some guy from across the room got up and stared at me like he wanted to punch my face off.
It was her first plane ride all over again. We became "those people" with "that kid" who wouldn't "sit still and shut up." I hate those people! Well, "hate" is such a strong word. Let me rephrase that.
I want those people to suffer unending pain for the ruination of the movie!
No. No, I don't. Because now I am one of them.
My wife, whose bright idea this whole thing was anyway, walked Evie out of the room, then back in, then tried sitting in a different place with her, then gave her some candy, and humored her until the child realized she was missing some muppet time.
By the end of the whole ordeal, though I was able to catch about 95% of the movie (again, thanks to my wife for taking care of Evie), and really enjoyed it. What? I said it was her idea, didn't I? Don't look at me like that!
Was it an interesting experience? Yes. Will we do it again? Not for a few years. Why? Because next time, as I told my wife, I will take care of her when she gets antsy. Kind of like how when I volunteer to cook dinner we eat McDonald's.
I'm the dad, its my job to think outside the box like that. Right?
