There I sit, with a controller in my hand, playing Super Mario Brothers on my original Nintendo gaming system, when in walks one of my little sisters. She bugs me, she tries talking to me, she gets mad when I let her play and her character dies while mine lives on. I pause the game at certain moments because she's either bothering me (which would include anything from constantly talking to me when I'm trying to tune her out to standing right in front of the television so that I can not see my small plumber character get bit by a flying turtle). The pause button is the greatest video game invention ever.
Now that I'm a dad, video games are much more complicated. Some don't have pause options. I've long since given up playing World of Warcraft, but there is no pause in that game. You just die. A lot.
This is something my wife did not understand right away. "Can't you just pause the game for a few minutes to let the dog out?" she'd ask.
"Do you not understand we are about to kill the Lich King?" I'd reply.
Somehow, I thought that would make her understand the importance of the moment.
Lich. Freaking. King.
COME ON!!!
But no. I had to explain to her, as quickly as possible that this game does not have a pause button and that if I don't do my job shooting spells with my little red-haired warlock named Kvothe, the big bad guy is going to kill all of our characters and then everyone would get mad at me for really ruining their evening.
My wife understood. She got it. She wasn't happy about it. She was pretty mad, actually. But she understood.
Which brings me to today's cause and effect. Cause: We had a baby who does not understand what you're doing staring at that computer screen, much less the concept of pausing it. Effect: I no longer play World of Warcraft.
Sometimes as a parent sacrifices must be made.
I still play some games on my PS3, but most of the time its only used as a Blu-Ray/DVD player, or for watching Netflix. But it got me to thinking.
What if kids could interrupt in-game characters as much as they do the parents playing the game?
Here's this level 85 Paladin about to face down a band of thieves so that he can return their scarves and collect a bounty - BAM. Diaper needs changed and he calls time out mid-fight. The thieves, understanding the Paladin's plight, oblige and all sit down where they currently are. The "warrior of the light" walks over and removes the soggy package off his youngling's backside, and replaces it with a dry cloth. Places child back into his portable carriage, walks back over to the thieves, and says "Time in." Fight continues.
Spider-Man swings from the rooftops in his pursuit of Doctor Octopus, who has kidnapped Mary Jane and intends to hold her for ransom until Spider-Man beats him to a pulp or the city of New York meets his demands. Spidey shows up, but there's a beep coming from a device hidden beneath his tights. "Hold on, Doc, the wife's calling me."
Mary Jane looks surprised. After all, unbeknownst to the evil Doctor, Mary Jane is Spider-man/Peter Parker's wife.
"Hey, how's work?" the web-head asks.
Doctor Octopus grunts but waits patiently, Mary Jane helpless in his metallic arms.
"Uh huh. Yeah. Okay, you want me to just take some fish out of the freezer? Oh. No, its okay, I can just order a pizza. Mhmm. Yep. No. What? When did that happen??? Ok, I'll call the shop but you better get it in tomorrow. Alright. Love you, too. Bye."
"Sorry Doc, where were we?"
Doctor Octopus replies, "I had kidnapped Mary Jane and you were about to power punch my face, jump over and try a leg sweep" - BEEP BEEP
Doctor Octopus' phone begins to ring, and the fight is again delayed.
Or how about a sports game?
Mariano Rivera takes the mound. One out, bottom of the 9th, in game seven of the World Series. The Yankees are up by one run with a runner on third and up to the plate walks Lance Berkman of the St. Louis Cardinals.
The wind up.
The pitch.
"WAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Ball freezes in mid-air as Berkman rushes out of the batter's box to find that twin boys, belonging to him (I do not know if Berkman even has kids, this is a fun story so just roll with it) have began fighting in the dugout. One pinched the other on the ear and in retaliation the second child bit the first.
One of the best home run hitters in baseball negotiates peace between the children better than any U.N. diplomat could hope, and walks back up to the plate to continue his at-bat.
Well, guess what. Real life doesn't have a pause button.
Somebody go invent one. Now.
