One thing I have noticed about being a parent is that now other people who have kids really like to tell me how to raise mine. Yes, I know my daughter cries loudly when she's hungry, yes I know her diaper needs to be changed when wet, you don't have to tell me to be ready to care for both of these needs at 3 am when I've been up since 4. By the way, ma'am, your four year old just grabbed a Twix off the candy shelf here in Wal-Mart and while I'm new to the whole parenting thing, crime is something I am familiar with.
(that didn't really happen)
People love to give advice. I know that I'm probably one of the first to give out unwelcomed pointers when it comes to tons of things - I think it just comes with how I was raised. Ask my dad how to change a light-bulb and he'll not only tell you how to change your fuse box over to a breaker box, but he'll recommend the type, size, brand and even color of wiring to use.
The problem is that now that I am in a position that is completely unfamiliar, people tend to tell me how to handle it. There's nothing wrong with that, I think every parent who has "been there and wiped that" not only has the need to share their advice and experience, I believe they have a right to.
If your son, at the age of 8 months, decided to crawl up to a piece of furniture, climb it, and then jump off and bump his head, you not only have a future stunt-man in your family, the parent who has held him until he stopped crying and put a band-aid on his (probably cracked) skull now has the right to tell a new parent to watch out for this event happening to them. Not only because they are looking out for the new parent's child, but it's almost as if they are older members of a fraternity sharing something with the new pledge.
The problem is, there is so much to tell new parents. I just wish you could just have 3 simple rules of parenting. Like, "Keep them away from water. They hate bright light. The most important rule. No matter how much they cry, no matter how much they beg, never, never feed them after midnight." See? That stuff I could remember.
Or have my daughter turn into a gremlin...
Some advice is good, some advice is weird, and some advice is just not useable in our situation. For instance, someone told my wife that our daughter will have distinctive cries for things. In truth, we have noticed Evelyn has a distinct cry for every situation that she feels is important. It's something like, "Waaah" means "I'm hungry," and "Waaah" means "I need to eat soon."
Yeah, she pretty much only cries when she's hungry.
Even if she needs her diaper changed, Evie usually just grunts or whines a little. Which leads me to think that rather than having a cold wet-wipe on her bottom, she'd rather just sit in her fecal matter. Which is not only disgusting, but almost understandable. I mean, have you ever had a cold, damp cloth ran up the crack of your behind while you were trying to sleep? Me neither, but I bet it isn't fun.
Staying on point, I have noticed that several readers of this blog like to share personal stories. Some are funny, some ... a little too much information. Either way, it is nice to belong to the fraternity of parenthood.
What does seem to puzzle me is that there are some parents who do not relish the opportunity to learn from the failures, mistakes, and successes of other parents. These are the same people who will read an athlete's life story just to learn how to throw a fastball or watch a politician's interview just to learn to communicate better, but roll their eyes and hit the ignore button when someone says, "Don't let your kid eat that."
As if these people actually expected "Raising Kids for Dummies" to fall out of a placenta.
I'll admit, that book would be nice, but really? I'd like to take what advice I am given and chew the meat and spit out the bones. I also would rather get to know my daughter and raise her the best way I can, implementing the advice when I feel the need to. Like the time I told Professor Millen that my mom used to give my sisters and me Dimetapp to get us drowsy enough for nap time. Unethical? Probably.
But a few weeks later the professor shared with me that one night he and his wife had trouble getting his kids to bed. When the kids were finally asleep, the couple sat down and he said to her, "You know, Jeff said his parents used to give him Dimetapp..."
(true story!)
I guess my biggest goal as a parent is that in twenty to thirty years, Evelyn can look back and say, "Hey, my mom and dad did the best they could with what they had and maybe they didn't do everything right, but they did it all because they loved me and wanted me to be great."
I can be happy about that, and if something some other parent does or says helps me get to that point, I can listen.
