Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Favorites #2: And I Felt Like Superman

This is probably my favorite post ever. Not because it was the most commented on when I posted it to Facebook, not because it was some great example of writing, but for two other reasons. Every time I read it I fall in love with being a father all over again, and I see how God touched our lives on that amazing day. How our little baby became our little miracle. I remember all the tests, the wires, the hurt, the worry, the spinal tap, the scared doctors, and the fear I felt. And I remember how peaceful I felt the first time I was able to hold my newborn baby girl.


And I Felt Like Superman

Evelyn Grace Williams was born at about 3:35 pm on March 29, 2010.

On the way out she pooped. Kind of a funny thought at first, except that it actually wasn't funny at all. She inhaled some of it and the doctors are afraid she may have gotten it in her lungs. So it became kind of scary.

We didn't get to hold her. I barely got to see her before she was whisked away to the Critical Care unit (CCN, but I don't know what the N stands for). I took pictures, posted them on Facebook and Twitter and stored them in my phone. I only got two pictures, though.

That evening we were able to go see her, but still not hold her. They were - and still are - giving her a bunch of antibiotics to fight meningitis, and any other kind of infection. Even Herpes as a "just in case" thing. Even though Jennifer and I have only ever been with each other, and it is a very small chance, I guess it is part of the standard procedure. Still kind of scary. We still didn't get to hold her.

The doctor did a spinal tap, and they found white blood cells. I'm not a doctor, so I don't know exactly what that means, except that it is apparently a bad thing and they're going to consult with a specialist. She does have some minor infections, but overall she seems okay - aside from the white blood cells. They want to know why they're there.

They did an ultrasound on her brain because they wanted to make sure she didn't have any kind of infection there. That was kind of scary, too, because the doctor said if they couldn't get a clear shot, they'd do a CTscan. "Scan her cat" as some might say. They don't have to, everything looked fine.

Every moment since our daughter has come out, we've prayed. Every waking second my thoughts have been on her fighting off infection, fighting the only way an infant's body can. She's been sleeping but they say her breathing has gotten so much better. She was green (from the poop) when she was born and since they used a vacuum her head was cone shaped - she looked like a little alien. Then she was blue-ish when they cleaned all that off. Now she looks pink - you know, the kind of pink babies are supposed to look.

I've prayed and I've fasted. I've done everything a man with my limited powers of intellect and strength can do.

And I've felt so weak.

But this morning...

I got told her in my arms. Jennifer got to hold her first, of course, I knew it would mean the world to my wife to get to hold our daughter before me. I also knew I wouldn't want to let her go if I got to hold her.

But this morning, I got to hold her.

And I felt like Superman.