Yesterday, while I was at work, I got a quick text from Jennifer saying that her water broke. Thinking she was getting an early start on April Fool's day (The day I would love for one of my children to be born on) I went ahead and did as the text instructed and called her office.
When I called, I didn't get to speak to my wife. Instead, I spoke with Julie, the clerk in her office and the lady who put together our first baby shower, who informed me that Jennifer had soaked her chair and was currently on the phone with the doctor.
I soon got a chance to speak to my wife who said that she had checked and there was no odor or anything to indicate that it was urine, so she believed that she had, in fact, broken her water (is that even remotely close to the proper usage of the term?).
So I drove home.
I beat her there. I don't know how, because my work is farther away from home, but it could be a testament to either a.) my kick-butt driving abilities or b.) I was speeding and luckily no cop caught me.*
When Jennifer arrived at home everything became a blur. We were grabbing last minute things for the pregnancy bag we had literally just started putting together, I dove under the bed for my phone charger because I knew my battery would probably go dead at the least opportune time, and the dog somehow found time to run around the house a million times and not pee on the carpet.
We headed to the hospital, dealt with this woman who had the personality of a paper-clip as she had us fill out insurance papers. Headed up to the right room so Jen could be examined. Waited an hour.
Interesting thing to note - they strap these little monitors onto a woman's stomach to monitor both the baby's heartbeat and her contractions. Evelyn, my ninja daughter waiting to be born, literally kicked the monitor from inside Jennifer's stomach hard enough it bounced and registered on the screen. We had a good laugh at that. I'm pretty sure she doesn't like it when we intrude upon her personal space.
Anyway, our doctor came in and I'm just going to go off topic for a small second here:
Call me immature if you want, but something about another man feeling on my wife irritates me. I've been told that's natural, but at the same time, it really does creep me out a bit. It's just like in that scene from "The Office" when Jim and Pam have their baby and the lactation consultant is a man. The expression on Jim's face? It was plastered on my face yesterday.
To skip to the end and not to bore you with the sickly looking tools the doctor used (one looked like a mid-evil caulking gun with a flashlight in it) to examine my wife, or how the doctor was professional lest he get a kick to the knee, etc...
Jennifer had peed all over herself and her desk chair.
I'm sure she felt embarrassed, and who wouldn't? The doctor said it actually happens quite a bit and that we shouldn't feel ashamed. I'm sure this was easy for him to say as I am quite sure he has never peed on himself and thought his water broke.
But either way, it was a false alarm.
*Notice I said "caught," not "saw."
